Safer Sex

Knock , knock… “Nurse Betka” here; it's time to talk about safer sex. I am concerned and saddened by the general lack of education and responsibility regarding STD’s in several of my communities. This problem seems to span music subcultures, kinky explorers, artists and even the more educated people in the body modification community, not just the sexual underground I gravitate towards. Part of my job is to keep current on STD transmission and prevention due to the variety of people whom I use my equipment on. I feel very strongly about sex education and disease prevention. Sexually transmitted diseases ruin lives and destroy established relationships everyday. Only an idiot would pretend there is nothing to worry about. (Don’t fuck idiots, they don’t deserve it.)

I have noticed a growing apathy in most of the subcultures I belong to regarding STD prevention. People seem to be of the "out of sight, out of mind" school of thought and I find it repulsive and negligent in the most grievous way. This is not to say I have never made poor decisions regarding safer sex. Everyone has and I understand that people have to learn from their own experiences. The point is, if you are going to lead a sexually extravagant lifestyle, it is your duty to be adult enough to take this stuff seriously. If you cannot be that responsible, you are not fit to play these advanced games. I am tired of the attitude “your kink is ok” even when it is exposing many people to disease and potential death. It is not ok, it is wrong. It kills people. Is that clear enough?

I feel so strongly about this that I ended my sexual relationship with Mr. Skateboard after a 7 year stint due to his dishonesty about safer sex practices. I felt betrayed that a lover and friend would take my life into his hands for the sake of an orgasm. I was “fluid bonded” with him and had unprotected sex in what I thought was an honest, sexually progressive relationship. I felt safe and confident that I was being responsible. I had no idea he was being unsafe with others until I met one of his lovers and asked her about their safe sex practices. I ended our sexual relationship on the spot. I was devastated and confused at the time. I mean, we had all of the talks, laid out all the ground rules, and were on our way to what I thought was a solid future in the land of gourmet sexuality. That incident inspired my desire to educate people on the risks they are taking.

I am loathe to suggest mandatory safe sex rules as I hate “party policing”. I am unsure what the solution is but I know discussing this stuff is a good start. People have to start being honest about STD status with each other no matter how embarassing our frightening it is. People have the right to choose whether or not they are willing to take the risk of contracting diseases other people have. Anything less is manipulative and a danger to everyone's health. It is the only way to slow the spread of these uncomfortable and embarrassing diseases. I am not suggesting that everyone go on a big public campaign announcing any STD they have ever contracted. I am suggesting that people who have contracted a social disease need to be able to discuss their situation with potential lovers, before having sexual contact with them. People who are unsure how to deal with it need to seek a therapist's assistance. It is reprehensible to simply pretend it doesn’t exist because you are embarrassed or you might not get any action.

It would be nice to see some efforts to organize STD testing days for our community, workshops on important prevention techniques (outside of gloves and condoms). I would love to see some sort of discussion about how people who have tested positive can learn to discuss their status with potential lovers. I may try and facilitate something after I get back from Thailand. This problem is not going to go away. I’ll be covering this topic more in coming weeks with a focus on Herpes and HPV, including information on the upcoming HPV vaccine. Herpes is prevalent these days and I just read a statistic on the CDC website that says 4 out of 5 people will contract HPV at some point in their lives. Most never even know. That means most people you know, yourself included will contract the HPV virus. How is that for a wake up call? They are talking about everyday vanilla people in these statistics so imagine how our risks increase as sexual outlaws.

People have to start taking this seriously. Let’s stop pretending this unpleasantness doesn’t exist and, instead, respond like responsible adults who are worthy of living a charmed, sexually charged lifestyle.