Gratitude
I had a discussion last night that lead to an evening of thoughts revolving around gratitude and appreciation. Fanny and I were laying in the hotel room and she made a statement like “Even if I haven’t said it enough, I’m glad you come with me.” For some reason this really stuck a nerve. Perhaps it’s that we have been roommates for several weeks in a tiny hotel room and I am ready to have my privacy, servants and life back. I am unsure; either way it really struck me.
I told her I did not feel as if she really understood what I did to ensure the ability to come with her and no, she had not expressed it. (Taking a month off from my work and home obligations is no small feat. It required a lot of pre-planning and organization of friends and family on the home front, not to mention a large financial obligation.) I informed her that I had not heard one time “Thank you for taking the time off to come and be here for me. Your support has been great and I am so glad you were with me. I know that you had to really juggle a lot and I appreciate it.” Throwing out an after thought in the middle of a discussion the day before we leave is not the same thing. I had planned on addressing this after we got home; I wanted the trip to be as positive as possible. When she said this I decided there was no time like the present.
I did a lot to make this trip happen because I was concerned about her going through this alone. Most of her family has not been very supportive and she had no friends willing or able to join her. She seemed shocked that I told her I felt unappreciated. Stating she thought she had shown her gratitude by taking US to the theater a couple of days before. (I contributed to that evening as well, paying for our taxis and splitting food and drink costs.) For the record I prefer a real verbal acknowledgment and genuine understanding to token gifts any day of the week. (Do not misunderstand, I am a diva and adore being spoiled. That being said, buying me a gift instead of communicating genuine heart-felt appreciation is not what makes my heart sing.) There was never any mention of “I would like to take you to the theater as a token of my appreciation for your support” or anything like that. There was plenty of mention before hand about how much she wanted to go to this theater show.
Our “history” says fanny will realize some of these things she took for granted at a later time. I have been guilty of taking things for granted in my life but make a conscious effort these days to really appreciate my life and the people in it. I feel very fortunate to have learned that lesson early in life. I am unsure at this point what our future holds. My goal as her trainer and mentor has been to help her get through this transition safely and with support. That has been successfully completed and I think both of us have come to some strong realizations during this trip about our individual needs…
Slaves take note:
It is lovely and generous to flower a dominant with presents to show appreciation. However, if you do not verbalize your intent when giving them and gratitude you’re doing something akin to a parent trying to buy a child’s love. Gifts do not replace eye contact and honest communication no matter how flashy they are.
I am done with my little rant. Thanks for listening. I am heading out for my last day in Bangkok. I plan to sit in a temple by the river for a few hours and bask in the decadent glory with which these people celebrate their beliefs.
Jorng Ja Ruen Ka! ( Bless You)
I told her I did not feel as if she really understood what I did to ensure the ability to come with her and no, she had not expressed it. (Taking a month off from my work and home obligations is no small feat. It required a lot of pre-planning and organization of friends and family on the home front, not to mention a large financial obligation.) I informed her that I had not heard one time “Thank you for taking the time off to come and be here for me. Your support has been great and I am so glad you were with me. I know that you had to really juggle a lot and I appreciate it.” Throwing out an after thought in the middle of a discussion the day before we leave is not the same thing. I had planned on addressing this after we got home; I wanted the trip to be as positive as possible. When she said this I decided there was no time like the present.
I did a lot to make this trip happen because I was concerned about her going through this alone. Most of her family has not been very supportive and she had no friends willing or able to join her. She seemed shocked that I told her I felt unappreciated. Stating she thought she had shown her gratitude by taking US to the theater a couple of days before. (I contributed to that evening as well, paying for our taxis and splitting food and drink costs.) For the record I prefer a real verbal acknowledgment and genuine understanding to token gifts any day of the week. (Do not misunderstand, I am a diva and adore being spoiled. That being said, buying me a gift instead of communicating genuine heart-felt appreciation is not what makes my heart sing.) There was never any mention of “I would like to take you to the theater as a token of my appreciation for your support” or anything like that. There was plenty of mention before hand about how much she wanted to go to this theater show.
Our “history” says fanny will realize some of these things she took for granted at a later time. I have been guilty of taking things for granted in my life but make a conscious effort these days to really appreciate my life and the people in it. I feel very fortunate to have learned that lesson early in life. I am unsure at this point what our future holds. My goal as her trainer and mentor has been to help her get through this transition safely and with support. That has been successfully completed and I think both of us have come to some strong realizations during this trip about our individual needs…
Slaves take note:
It is lovely and generous to flower a dominant with presents to show appreciation. However, if you do not verbalize your intent when giving them and gratitude you’re doing something akin to a parent trying to buy a child’s love. Gifts do not replace eye contact and honest communication no matter how flashy they are.
I am done with my little rant. Thanks for listening. I am heading out for my last day in Bangkok. I plan to sit in a temple by the river for a few hours and bask in the decadent glory with which these people celebrate their beliefs.
Jorng Ja Ruen Ka! ( Bless You)
posted by Betka Schpitz at
6/07/2006 09:50:00 PM
1 Comments:
That sounds very upsetting. When I'm serving someone I try to show them gratitude whenever it's appropiate. Even if they have just given me a really hard job to do, I thank them for it, because I do appreciate being able to serve them. In fact the harder the job, the more thankful I am to have received it.
It's especially wonderful when a Dominant Woman does something for you. Even if you were just regular friends, what you did was very sweet indeed, and the person should take the effort to show appreciation.
-Jason who decided to get a blogger account so I could post non Anonymous responses now.
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