Advice for bottoms

So, you want to be on the receiving end of a firm hand and tight restraints. Now what?

The best thing you can do is educate yourself. This should be done by reading, speaking with respected players (who you will not be playing with), attending workshops, or, depending on your circumstances, finding a professional.

I am talking about a kink-friendly therapist, professional dominant or erotic educator. A skilled professional in any one of these fields could prove invaluable to your pleasure and safety down the road. Their commonality is in teaching you to communicate your desires and enact your fantasies in a safe and healthy way.

Being the bottom in a BDSM scene does not excuse you from educating yourself about the risks and rewards of play. I’ll throw in my usual caveat: “These are my opinions; everyone has their own way of doing things, etc.” This is in no way all-inclusive, it is just a little random food for thought.

• Ask your play partner how they got started. It is reasonable to expect a little bit of background information regarding their previous experience. If someone is hesitant to share that information, slow down and get to know them better before playing.

• Discuss emergency situations before playing. Ask them what they would do in an emergency situation should you end up unconscious. What we are doing here is dangerous, never forget that your life is in the hands of anyone who has you in bondage. Make sure those hands are capable; that’s going to be a lot more important than how hot they look in leather come “911 time”. Do they know CPR? If you are doing bloodsports, what sort of first aid supplies do they have?

• The dominant should be interested in what you have to say during your introduction. (Many levels of protocol allow less input from the bottom as the relationship develops.) Though it is a hot fantasy to be cast into the hands of an evil villain sight-unseen, in actual play, the top needs to have a clear idea of your limits and previous experience to create a consensual scene. Even a slave wishing to be completely controlled should know the person they are submitting to has enough information to keep them safe. Protect your physical and emotional health by playing with tops who are genuinely interested in your history and growth. Anything less and you become food for an over-inflated ego.

• How do they clean their equipment? You have every right to know what is being used to sterilize the equipment someone is using on you. It is not rude or disrespectful to ask; it is responsible. There are so many diseases out there today that it is your responsibility to protect yourself by asking questions and voicing concerns. Remember - it is all about context. Be polite and respectful.


That is all for now. Time to get ready for an 8 hour rubber scene this evening. I am converting my medical area into a “gummi klinic” for perverted experiments. Yum.

( The picture up top was snapped by Bridgett Harrington in a crazy double domme zentai shoot. Check out her stuff at www.blackbookart.com)