Sexual Liberties of the Professional Dominatrix...(oops)

( This posted incomplete the first time.)

Over the years I have had countless discussions with other women in my industry regarding sexual contact with clients and professional image regarding sexuality. I have found that the enigmatic women who gravitate to this profession all have their own ideas about specific values a "Mistress" should uphold. Some of the women believe that a “true” dominatrix does not engage in any nudity or sexual contact with a client, or show themselves in any state of undress in their advertising. The other side of the fence believes what happens in the dungeon between a Mistress and her client is between two consenting adults and is no one else’s business, and that a dominant may dress(undress) however they like. Those same things carry over into what is considered acceptable for advertising.

When a Mistress allows a professional client sexual liberties, that bottom’s expectations are forever altered. This makes it difficult to maintain any sort of “industry standard” and also places heightened expectations on other Prodommes to provide similar services. I understand why that would piss off women who have worked hard to build and maintain a professional image with clearly defined legal limits. (This keeps our legal ducks in a row, sets client expectation, as well as personal boundaries. It also allows women who don’t want to be classified as “sex workers” to define themselves in a different way.) I have no problem with what other Mistresses are doing in their private dungeons and do not push my boundaries on other Dommes.( I do have expectations of the women renting space from me as that directly affects my business and the studio’s reputation. )

I am able to comfortably communicate my boundaries and desires to clients regardless of their previous experience. If they have seen someone I know to be more permissive (sexually) than I am, I explain to them what I do and do not allow during our negotiations. I would prefer that escorts not mislabel themselves as a “dominatrix” for safety and quality control reasons. A dominatrix should be someone for whom empathy, education and communication are paramount. They should also have the skills and equipment necessary to explore a wide range of fetishes and BDSM play. I have seen very few escorts advertising for BDSM who were well equipped and seemed knowledgeable enough to use the title. ( I have seen a few. Miranda Storm is a great local escort who also offers BDSM. She has more experience than many of our local Domme’s combined,yet she does not advertise herself as a dominatrix. I refer people to her that seem to be seeking a more "sensual" exchange.) In any industry with no regulation the most responsible and successful people will be the ones who regulate themselves. When I say regulate, I mean set standards that work for them to make their career safe, profitable, and enjoyable. Unfortunately, one of the down sides to this is a general tendency to be judgmental towards those who do not meet popular (self imposed) standards and practices.

What standard of sexual conduct or nudity is appropriate for a dominatrix? This is one of the major areas of disagreement between prominent, well-respected professional dominants. Contributing to this dissention is the amount of effort that we have gone through to legitimize and explain our work to the general public. (It seems wasted and lost if “Mistress Slippery Sally” is shoving her royal pussy all over every slave’s face for a quick buck.) That is one way to look at it. I prefer to see slaves who connect with my ideas and interests around BDSM enough to relinquish total control to me. Complete surrender offers no room for expectation. (after a thorough negotiation of course…) Slaves seeking specific sexual acts to entertain them are much better suited for another dominant. That means that their personality would prohibit us from having a session, not their previous sexual history or the business practices of other Dommes. I think focusing on our own business is a wonderful way to separate yourself from people you do not want to be grouped with. Your work should speak for itself and other peoples practices should not enter into it.

An off shoot to this topic is judgment about the use of sexually charged imagery or nudity in advertising, member websites, online diaries, etc. I understand the archetype of the unattainable “Mistress”, a cruel dominatrix who would not conceive to allow a slave to enjoy her body. That is hot and it works for some people all of the time. I would feel like I was playing a role if I channeled that energy. I prefer to have my slaves encapsulated by my real identity instead of a preconceived notion of the “True Dominatrix”. I enjoy role-playing on a limited basis these days. That is because I only enjoy role-playing with active, interesting players who can carry their end and most people are too shy or serious to make it fun in a pro scene. The authenticity comes through because I laugh when something is funny, slap the hell of you if you get sassy and show you new ways to explore deep seated fantasies in a healthy and safe way. I don’t need to project a specific archetype to do these things, they come naturally.

I do not offer nudity because I wouldn’t want people coming to see me based exclusively on the peep show value. I have spent over a decade cultivating my craft and invested a large sum of money learning the skills required to execute it. (If I just wanted to make the money off of my tits, I could have spent a lot more time vacationing!) That being said, I don’t wince at the thought of an erotic image getting out where I am enjoying myself sexually or in a state of undress. It just means I do not spend my time producing that sort of stuff for mass consumption. I would rather have the focus be on my passion for BDSM and fetish exploration.

I started thinking about this during a photo shoot yesterday. It was a brief bondage and ”forced” masturbation scenario with one of my personal play partners. I was planning to dress him in a rubber hood, latex boots and a short cat suit to jerk him off before chastising him in the CB 2000 for a while. It seemed like a sexy glimpse into my personal passions that kinksters interested in my work would enjoy. This is not something I would do in a pro scene; the idea of random cock juice on my hand leaves a lot to be desired. However, I do enjoy it frequently in my private escapades. (At home it is almost exclusively with female slaves because my sexual proclivities lean towards Sapphic sluttery more than man jam. There are some rare exceptions.)

The shoot got me to thinking about conversations I have had with other Mistresses regarding sexuality. People have told me they considered it inappropriate to have pictures of me rewarding kitten with a little pussy licking. “That is not very Mistress like!” ( Never mind the fact that she has only received the pleasure about 3 times in four years. I thought it was the perfect thing to have a friend capture for all eternity. Now she can jerk off to it anytime she likes and we get the added benefit of scratching our exhibitionistic itch. We are perverts after all.) Someone also thought it inappropriate you could see a smidgen of my pussy in a golden shower picture. I have heard that a Mistress should stay aloof to keep things interesting. I think that you should be able to share your ideas and fantasies while retaining whatever sense of privacy feels good for you. I discuss very intimate details about certain parts of my life comfortably and without giving away any of the “magic” of the dominatrix. I could talk all day about fantasies and experiences I have enjoyed without giving away the full bag of tricks. The idea that I would lose some of my allure because someone knows the “real” me is self depreciating. I believe their attraction and desire to serve should get stronger with more information, if it diminishes we were never a good match.


I thought the whole point of a woman being empowered is her ability to make her own decisions focusing on her needs, not the judgment of others. That should include who (if anyone) is allowed to enjoy her nudity and sexual attentions. For now back to prepping the dungeon, word has it there is a “gummi” gathering in store for the evening. I have to get the sheets, straightjackets and sleep sacks prepared.