Safer Sex Rant.
People have to wake up and start being accountable for sexual safety in our social groups. I do not mean making mandatory safe sex rules. (...Though that will be the policy when my space goes private.)I mean calling out those who knowingly spread disease without regard for others safety.
A particular situation has been on my mind lately...
I know of a person who has Hep C. This person is a professional body piercer and also participates in suspension rituals. ( I am unsure if they are licensed but know they have worked with well known shops.) I have seen the person hang above patrons in a public space with open hooks. They do not disclose their illness to people they are in high risk situations with. This is reprehensible and I am at a loss for what to do. On the one hand I say "This is not my business." On the other I feel negligent knowing this information and doing nothing. To make matters worse the person is recently getting more involved the BDSM community and hooked in with a really cool group of people I know. I am not good friends with this group, though we have a nice rapport and I hate that their reputation is going to further this persons agenda. I feel at a loss for what steps to take. Where do we draw the line? What makes someone no longer welcome in our "community" at large? I am so tired of this all inclusive ,any sociopath is ok bullshit. Some people are not responsible enough to live this lifestyle and should not be welcomed with open arms by a community so keen on safety and education.
I think people like this are dangerous, selfish predators. If someone was knowingly running through a party shooting off bullets they would definitely be ejected and most likely arrested. Why is it that if the weapon is a social disease everyone just clams up and pretends nothing is happening?
I am curious to hear other people experiences with similar situations and any advice you may have for handling this. It is a touchy situation and I do not want to cause unnecessary drama or gossip. I feel that apathy around this stuff is a huge part of the problem.
On a lighter note: The reception room at the dungeon is freshly painted after a marathon yesterday. It is "crisp sage green" with a fresh creme ceiling. It looks and feels divine. Before we started painting, I spent the entire day yesterday doing space clearing and solstice rituals. (Thank you V for donating paint. You are a gift in our lives.)
A particular situation has been on my mind lately...
I know of a person who has Hep C. This person is a professional body piercer and also participates in suspension rituals. ( I am unsure if they are licensed but know they have worked with well known shops.) I have seen the person hang above patrons in a public space with open hooks. They do not disclose their illness to people they are in high risk situations with. This is reprehensible and I am at a loss for what to do. On the one hand I say "This is not my business." On the other I feel negligent knowing this information and doing nothing. To make matters worse the person is recently getting more involved the BDSM community and hooked in with a really cool group of people I know. I am not good friends with this group, though we have a nice rapport and I hate that their reputation is going to further this persons agenda. I feel at a loss for what steps to take. Where do we draw the line? What makes someone no longer welcome in our "community" at large? I am so tired of this all inclusive ,any sociopath is ok bullshit. Some people are not responsible enough to live this lifestyle and should not be welcomed with open arms by a community so keen on safety and education.
I think people like this are dangerous, selfish predators. If someone was knowingly running through a party shooting off bullets they would definitely be ejected and most likely arrested. Why is it that if the weapon is a social disease everyone just clams up and pretends nothing is happening?
I am curious to hear other people experiences with similar situations and any advice you may have for handling this. It is a touchy situation and I do not want to cause unnecessary drama or gossip. I feel that apathy around this stuff is a huge part of the problem.
On a lighter note: The reception room at the dungeon is freshly painted after a marathon yesterday. It is "crisp sage green" with a fresh creme ceiling. It looks and feels divine. Before we started painting, I spent the entire day yesterday doing space clearing and solstice rituals. (Thank you V for donating paint. You are a gift in our lives.)
posted by Betka Schpitz at
6/22/2006 11:57:00 AM
4 Comments:
Domina Betka, it's always wonderful to read your blog. I find it very inspirational, but decided to resond to this post particularly.
I've recently been through a similar situation. A few slaves of a Mistress I know contacted me because she was not respecting their boundaries. There was a "rumor" going around the community that this woman had sent a few slaves to the hospital and refused to accept responsibility for her actions. Unfortunately this "rumor" wasn't just a "rumor". After contemplating the matter, I decided to tell the slaves the truth, and advised them to end their service with this woman. I couldn't bear the thought of yet another slave going to the hospital for kidney damage.
In regards to the person you know who has Hep C, I would advise pulling people aside and warning them individually if possible. People who consistenly endanger other people's health and safety should not be welcome in the community. I don't view the truth as gossip. There might be some drama, but you would be saving someone or many people from potentially getting Hep C.
There are a few people who I play with regularly and care deeply for. In a way they are my family and I'd do nearly anything to protect them. I've actually told them all to read your blog! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and news with all of us.
Thanks for the advice. The kidney Domme sounds quite frightening. Thank you for standing up and speaking out even though it was uncomfortable. The problem with those situations is, where do we draw the line as a subculture? Is it if someone sends someone to the hospital? If they knowingly do something that could result in serious injury or death? If they are emotionally abusive? Who are the "pervy police" going to be? Should the organizations have codes of conduct in order to be welcome? It just seems like a complex issue with more questions than answers. I would certainly like to hear more discussion about it.
As for the person I referenced in the article I would definitly tell someone I knew if they were about to be exposed. I think the truth can definitly be gossip, though that is not my intention. (I would rather fuck than fuss.)
It is always great to hear from people who have been lurking. As I have said before I would much rather this be a place kinky discussions rather than a personal soap box. Thanks for reffering your kinky family to the blog, Ill try and keep it entertaining.
stay slick,
Betka
I'm not sure if the lifestyle needs "kinky police" per se, but I would hope that we'd look out for each other. It's difficult to get involved in people's affairs, but something should definitely be done about people who are consistently emotionally abusive, send people to the hospital, and knowingly and irresponsibly engage in activities that could result in serious illness, injury, or death.
The BDSM clubs in my city are membership based and do have codes of conduct. Members agree to play according to RACK or SSC, and sign a statement when they pay for membership. The owners try to get to know all the members, but I know this is difficult if not impossible with clubs that are on a much larger scale. This way the owners can try to look out for their members. I know of one person who has had memberships revoked and isn't welcome back to the clubs. The clubs are run this way because the city is pretty conservative. Club owners don't want to take chances of being shut down.
In a small community it's easy to "look out for each other." Once the community grows, "looking out for each other" could be viewed as meddling in others' affairs. I decided to speak out and become involved in the situation I mentioned because of a few reasons. First, my gut said, "this is completely wrong. You MUST do something about this." Second, I felt the severity of the situation called for some sort of action. At risk of getting on my soap box, I feel that emotional abuse and consistent crossing of hard limits are reasons that our lifestyle is viewed negatively. Third, the submissives were starting to think that all Mistresses treat their slaves that way, and were going to end their pervy pursuits altogether.
Thanks again for posting and I'm glad everything is going well at your studio!
Ugh.
That is a crummy situation. I will say that they're not automatically transmitting HCV, but they certainly seem to be engaging in nonconsensual high-risk behavior...
As somebody who knowingly had a partner with HCV for awhile (and she was very upfront about the whole thing and we figured out appropriate safer sex boundaries because she was so honest about it) it is painful to see people who aren't being as honest. Honestly, I'm also less than thrilled by the kink-police as well. But I would have to say that I think you have an obligation to inquire with people you know or are friends with about what precautions they're taking...
There's almost no "low drama" way to handle it, except perhaps to take the attitude of "Well of course I thought you had told them, it's the only ethical thing to do and I was just curious what my friend/aquaintance/play partner was doing to stay safe themselves..." if they confront you on "rumor-mongering."
It's bit underhanded I suppose, but it's not like you have a legal obligation to keep the information secret. Make it non-accusatory and instead information seeking and it would hopefully deflect at least part of the problems.
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