Still alive!

I can't tear myself away from this beautiful house. It is so nice. I think we may stay one more day. My pussycat is spoiling me and the hot tub sits 40 feet above the water on a flower filled cliff. I see no reason to rush home, other than my phone. That just does not seem like a good enough reason to leave.

It has been a fuck filled week of extreme sensory overload and wet pleasures. I'll give you the gory details when I return. Until then, I am heading back down to the beach to play with fire.

Oh yea...today is My BIRTHDAY!

stay slick,
Ms B

An Update from the Beach...

Ms.Betka and I are having an absolutely perfect time at the beach. There's been a lot of lounging in the hot tub and in front of the fireplace. Her phone is out and I'm writing from a quaint little coastal coffeehouse since there is no internet connection at the house.
She is totally chillaxing, and I'm spoiling Her to the best of my ability.
This evening we are planning a feast of fresh seafood. Yum.
We are having such a wonderful time that we decided to extend our trip. We'll be back in Portland on Thursday.
Now, back to the house to make sure Her Grace's needs and desires are met.
-kitten

Birthday Beach Goodness

Kitten and I are headed for the beach this weekend. We borrowed a friend's house for the next few days. I am looking forward to hearing the water while I sleep. It's been a busy summer with lots of change and I am looking forward to relaxing in the hot tub for a few days. There is a deck overlooking the water behind the house. It is wonderful to live somewhere I can have access to any climate I want almost year round. It is going to be in the 50's at night and low 70's during the day.

I am taking a bag of rope, a single tail and a cane. I want to keep it simple. I plan to shoot some hot beach bondage and forest fucking. Maybe even a little hot tub scene or two... I love bagging Kitten and then fucking her under the water. It's really intense for her and the visual feast is inspiring to say the least.

It has been a great couple of days, we went to see Digital Underground last night. I danced for a couple of hours and had two naughty girls entertaining me to Shock G's rhymes. It was his birthday last night so they were in rare form. They played a ton of stuff from Sex Packets and it was all flawless. Thank you Ohm.

I am giddy about the weekend and babbling...

Enjoy the weekend. To all my burners, may the force be with you. I'll see you on the playa next year.

(Friends around the globe take note: Next year Burning Man- My 30th bday. Be there or be eternally ass fucked by a mean spirited succubus.)

"Happy Birthday" by lacy sissy

So this is a little clip from my session with the utterly ridiculous lacy sissy on Monday. It is a little dark cause mama needs some hot lights.



disturbing isn't it? Let's see if it's too hot for Youtube.

Google as a training tool

Everyone has seen the google homepage feature right? Well I discovered it works as a fantastic tool for keeping your slave on task. You can plug in different to do lists with priorities, calendar, notes etc. I am now making kitten go through the homepage I set up for her every time she gets online. I added a section for notes from me, her chores, her errands, her slave tasks. I even put a little bulleted list with her most important rules. I have an organizational fetish (if there is such a thing) so my geeky domme trigger has been tripped.

I cleared off all of the clutter they put on it automatically. Then I added several to do lists which you can customize. I also used the sticky pad feature for things like her list of rules and notes from me. It is simple, easily updated and prioritized. Perfect training tool. Thank you Google!

In other news:

I made a scheduling error for a shoot with Bridgett which totally sucks. Can't shoot with these hands anyway. I am looking forward to having soft skin again.

I got invited to the beach this weekend for my birthday. I am ecstatic.

How to be a superslave.

There is nothing like a man in a helmet fucking a cheap cherry pie to brighten my week. I spent the afternoon yesterday with lacy, my cherished humiliation sissy. We always have such a good time. She understands my bizarre sense of humor and does everything I ask with a sincere desire to please me. She is one of my "superslaves". A superslave is someone who understands it is important for the bottom to be present and responsive during the scene. They really go above and beyond to be engaging and intuitive. Here are a few tips for the boys and girls at home aspiring to be someone's superslave:

-The fact that you’re on the bottom does not alleviate your responsibility to educate yourself. Read all you can about your kinky interests. You should know what you are getting into so that you can make an informed decision about submitting to the right person. It is very easy to blame someone else for a scene gone wrong if you have not taken the time to educate yourself about what you’re doing. Take responsibility for your own safety.

- Get informed about your play partner. If they have a profile or website, read it thoroughly. The better idea you have of their interests and style the more likely you can accommodate their desires. I don't mean a cursory glance through their kinky interests. I am talking about really reading what they have written and getting an idea of who they are.

- Be overly concerned with hygiene before you arrive. This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I mean clean your ears, brush and floss your teeth, scrub your scalp, clean and trim your nails, moisturize your skin (helps minimize skin damage during bondage and impact play), wear deodorant but not perfume or cologne, scrub your genitals and asshole, (Especially your asshole, in my years I have seen countless bits of toilet paper. Gross. That is not going to incite desire in anyone’s loins.)If you’re doing anal play be sure you have recently used the restroom or have an enema. The simplest thing to do is a "dry" enema. You can just squirt a couple of tablespoons of lube in your ass, hold for a few and expel. This is not as time consuming as a regular enema and there won't be any unexpected leakage later. It also lubes the inside of your rectum so any shit caught on the sides will stick to the lube and not whatever is inserted making for easier cleanup. This maybe a little too much information for some of you but I am sure tops across the land are clapping their hands. (Unless you like that sort of thing, in which case disregard all hygienic info and enjoy your funk. Just don't bring that shit here.)

- Be responsive without being fake. This means breathe, scream, pant, beg, talk dirty, growl, cry. Just do something. There is nothing more boring than a limp noodle on the spanking bench. A bottom who is stoic and unresponsive doesn't come across as brave, they are boring. You should be playing with someone you trust, so relax into the scene. If you are shy or nervous, at least use soft moans and body language to communicate with your top and feed their desire. A slave's responses are like fuel to my fire, if they want it to get really hot they better work it. A slave who is obviously over reacting is particularly tiresome as well. That feels as if we aren't doing anything real enough to illicit a sincere response. Yawn. A great book for those who are nasty talk challenged is Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen.


- Assume nothing. Seriously. When I say be intuitive, I mean try and anticipate what will be expected of you and ways to please the dominant. Don't try and guess what to call them or where you should wait. Ask where you should stand/sit down and how you should address them. It pleases me when a new play partner politely inquires about things like this. This shows me right off that my bottom is interested in what I want. They understand this is not their previous relationship or some fantasy. They are genuinely there to serve me in the way I desire. When someone just strolls in like they own the joint, I want to throat chop them and send them on their merry way. I do not kick them out but it certainly tells me there is a lot of work to be done. Superslaves inquire about the top's preferences and remember them.

- Follow the dominant's rules. This should go without saying but for some subs, it doesn't. If your scene is based around resistance or being a smart ass, that must be negotiated. When it is not, it is frustrating and confusing for the top. (Neither of those emotions make me want to get kinky.) Listen carefully to the dominant's directions and follow them to the best of your ability. Intentional insolence always ends up in dismissal from my dungeon. I have way too many engaging play partners to spend time with people who try to manipulate me from the bottom. Some people enjoy testing limits by not doing certain things to see what will happen. There are people who enjoy this sort of game but again, that must be negotiated. I abhor repeating myself and find this behavior rather boring.

- Show appreciation. A small gift before the scene, a thank you note a few days after or maybe a phone call if it's appropriate. This does not need to be extravegant but a gesture of your appreciation and excitement is a nice way to start or end any scene. It is particularly nice if you have done some research into the top's interests and presented something thoughtful. Roses and chocolate are pretty uninventive, be creative. Try not to be too intimate initially. For some people it can be a little creepy for someone they don't know to bring them panties. Some of the sweetest gestures I have recieved have been simple notes on cards featuring photos or quotes of interest. I have bottoms who send me clippings of articles I might enjoy or recordings of interviews from people I find fascinating. These things show me I am in their thoughts outside of the dungeon and that they are always looking for ways to please me. When I see them I always make sure to put everything I have into our time together. I am inspired by their service and appreciation.

- Buy your own gear. I mean this for lifestyle players. When you visit a professional, they should be equipped to handle your session unless it is a rare request or highly specialized area. There is no reason you should not own your own toys. It is not the tops responsibility to supply all of the toys. Personally, when I meet a personal play partner who has a lot of experience and no toys I am a little turned off. It tells me they expect me to bring the party to them. It tells me that maybe this isn't that important to their sexuality. This is particularly true if you have specialty interests like pony play, rubber, or electrics.

- Do not gossip about your previous play partners. It's fine to talk about previous experiences, even if they were unpleasant. When a new bottom begins telling me about their previous experience by badmouthing previous partners or giving me specific intimate details about them I am apprehensive. It makes me wonder what they may say about our relationship if things do not work out. I appreciate candor as well as discretion and they are not mutually exclusive. Remember that what you say about other people can tell more about you than you realize. If someone is interested in hearing you bad mouth your previous play partners then you should really consider who you are trusting with your life. The top should be a lot more concerned with your interests and experiences than gossip about this mistress or that master.

- Be genuine. I mean be honest, especially when it is difficult. When probed, be honest about your desires, limits, needs, expectations, failures, and fears...all of it. Anything less is not surrender.

-Do not be flakey. It doesn't matter how cute you think you are or how many swats you can take with a cane. Most people lead busy lives and planning play time takes a bit of effort. I have had several people who are sexy and fun that I dismissed because their egos out weighed their assets. Capable tops can always find willing bottoms. Follow through by showing when you say you will or just stay home and watch porn. Don't waste peoples time, it is valuable and they don't owe it to you.

Now grab a cape and you are on your way.

This has turned into a much longer entry than I had anticipated. There is plenty of info here to get you started and my video work is calling. Wait until you see the amazing feats I had lacy perform this time. They are utterly ridiculous. I think I may even change her name to “the utterly ridiculous lacy sissy”. Doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily but it certainly suits her. What do you think makes a superslave?

My Girlfriend comes to the city and beats me up

No, not my girlfriend silly, Stephen Elliot's. This is a saucy little book I devoured last night. It is a collection of kinky narratives that were hot enough to make me jerk it and that is no small feat considering my smut peddler status. I am numb to most of the drivel that passes for BDSM erotica.


I was particularly enamored with the fact that he admits in the intro that all of the sex acts are true. Nice. It is so refreshing to see another proud pervert, especially one as talented as this.


There are tales of cutting and strap-on fucking, humiliation and power exchange that are more visceral honesty than fetish fantasy. I particularly enjoyed "Other Desires". He has a beautiful ability to describe the intangible and is particularly skilled at conveying the emotions behind his masochism. I wish I were prolific at book reviews because this one doesn't do it justice.

In short, buy it now.

I enjoyed it so much I am considering heading down to SF for the book release party. I could use a trip to the city, I miss Trannyshack.

Oh yea, and in case you can't tell I feel much better. The blister madness has ceased and my hands are on the mend. Good thing too, my best humiliation bitch is coming in Monday...

Studio Closing finally here!

Whew. I am elated, relieved and looking forward to moving in a new direction. I am glad I no longer have to be so political at kinky events. Studio this, studio that. I don't want to discuss your rental next month or how you think I should do this or that. I want to go and fuck just like everyone else.

I have heard stirrings that people are hoping I may change my mind. That is not going to happen. I have considered this for sometime and sorry, it's time for someone with more patience and a fresh outlook to bring it. I am done. Why oh why would I want to give up the glorious title of "public dungeon owner"?

In the last two months the following damage has been done during party/public rentals:

-One framed print given to me for my birthday.
(Damaged both frame and print.)

-One signed and numbered print that was also gift.
(Damage to print and frame)

-One door broken off hinges.
(A door that was not even supposed to be opened.)

-One broken wall candelabra.
(Part of a matching set I bought at an estate sale years ago.)

-One broken table leg.

-One broken night light.
(These are cheap but,how do you break a nighlight anyway?)

-Damage to a wooden bondage chair.
(Someone wrapped chain around it biting the wood.)

-Damage to a bondage table.
(Some inconsiderate slut dug her high heels into the table repeatedly, badly damaging the upholstery.)

-Upholstery damage to a fully restored 1920's operation table.

-Damage to set of custom stainless steel candle holders that look like 3 foot piercing needles. They broke one of the glass pieces without even mentioning it.

This is just what I can think of off the top of my head. Most of those things were not reported to me by the organizers. It is like people do not realize this is a person's artwork and personal belongings they are being loaned/rented. I wanted to give plenty of notice to the local kinky events so they could plan final parties in the space. At this point I really wish I had just closed it and been done.

When damage has been reported it has usually meant my broken property being left on my desk with no explanation, apology or compensation. Just "oh here is your broken stuff, bye!" The damaged prints are worth over $600 unframed. If I list out all the other costs I am sure to get really pissy, so lets just say repairs to some of those pieces will be time consuming and costly.

The cleanliness factor is fucking disgusting as well. A few jewels left for us at recent parties:

- Some idiot pissed inside the humiliation throne in the back room and left it there. I hope whatever dolt did that has since been toilet trained.

-Blood was left dripping down the bathroom wall after one of the last parties. Right below the tissue holder. Nice. That means someone put their drippy, bloody hand over the tissue everyone else would be using. It also means anyone else who went into that bathroom for the remainder of the night saw it and did nothing. It also tells you how thoroughly that bathroom was cleaned by their crew.

-Trash and clothing have been stuffed into a metal sculpture that was originally an altar piece for a huge ritual here three years ago.

-People fucked in a room that was not even a part of their rental on top of a down comforter. It was on loan for overnight guests at the studio. A nice big pile of shitty lube was left in the center for our viewing pleasure. Classy.

-My main ritual altar was desecrated as someone interpreted the polite "Please don't use this case." sign to mean "Please pile random things on top of this sign and case." My altar also houses my snakes.

I could go on but I am certain you get my drift by now. Whatever happened to people leaving a space in better condition than they found it? Why is it that when some people get into a sex space they lose all semblance of manners? I just want to slap the shit out of them and scream "Your mama don't live here bitch, pick up after yourself and stop being such an inconsiderate fucking pig."

That wouldn't be PC but it would bring a smile to my face that might last decades. It is sad and frankly, I am over it.

Time to turn the page.

(Added later: After some reflection I decided people are sure to start calling and asking who/what/when/etc. I would prefer not to get into who did what at which parties. I have no interest in the gossip game. I simply want to vent and explain in a little detail why I have no interest in continuing the space. Those of you who have been respectful know who you are so please don't take offense to this. To the others I invite you to read it once more and make sure it really sunk in.)

Still cranky,
Schpitz out.

Test drive

I took a new boy out for a test drive with a quick scene and photoshoot. I wanted to cancel because of my hands, I am glad I didn't. This is one of my favorites from the shoot. I don't think it is the most flattering picture of me, but I like his position and the intention in my jaw.


This was a lovely distraction from a dreadful week. Thanks to Circle 23 for shooting. I believe the male subject received thanks when he accidentally came. That boy needs training. Luckily ,I have many methods which have proven effective in training men not to give into their urge to orgasm. (Castration videos work wonders.)

Good thing he is so... Polite.

Who wants to be my pincushion?

This is about the only thing I feel like doing today. There is a new piece of boy meat coming in this evening for a test shoot. I hope he is ready for a serious test drive.

Cranky Mistress.

I am cranky today. I have some sort of tiny little blisters all over the insides of my fingers and they itch, itch ,itch. It also makes typing no fun at all. This could put a serious damper on the week's kink...

I have nothing pleasant or inspiring to discuss this morning so I thought I would share this video with you.

Sugasm #42-Links to other sexy blogs

Sugasmers,

You’re going to be choosing the top 3 posts for this week’s Sugasm. Here’s how it works:

Vote for your three favorite posts from the list below and send your selections to editor(at)sugasm(dot)com. Please vote via email and not in the comments - your votes are top secret. Voting is overall, not by category, so pick 3 from whichever category or categories you want.

The three posts with the most votes will garner the top three positions in the upcoming Sugasm. Sugasmers are always welcome to post the entire Sugasm but for Sugasm #42 you will only be required to post the top three voted posts.

Pick your top three favorites from the posts below and send them in. Voting ends Sunday at 11:59pm PST. Happy voting!

Here are the nominees, in no particular order:

Mr. Sugasm Himself


An Illustrated Guide to Nude Modeling (sugarbank.com)

Sex News and Sexy Reviews

Audacia Ray films her porn movie! (http://viviane212.blogspot.com)

Girls Gone Wild: Producer Going to Hell (http://susiebright.com)

Glass Sex Toy 101 (http://sultry.naughtyblog.net)


New Kinky Designs Added! (http://www.tarasnaughtyshop.com)

Sex Toys Between Your Sheets: Write About It! (http://blog.babeland.com)

Straight Porn Review: Fuck It Like It’s Hot (http://blog.johnqafterhours.com)

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Fantasies (http://sensualsingleton.blogspot.com)


HNT: The Heartbreakingly Kinky Sex (http://sabrinainstockings.com)

Mom’s Advice - His Fallen Angel (http://dawnndirty.blogspot.com)

The Purple Thing (http://bdsmlover.blogspot.com)

Suck Me! (http://gentlygently.blogspot.com)


Voluntarily Violated (http://everythingoze.blogspot.com)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Anatomy of a pinup, part 1 (telling the story)… (http://retromodernist.com)

Hanging onto Life by a G-String (http://www.taratainton.com)

The importance of being “in” (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)


Let’s Talk About Sex (http://www.seskuality.com)

Male Issues & The world revolves around My pussy? (http://www.alphadominablog.com)

Past Pleasures (http://edinerotica.blogspot.com)

The Quiet Ones (http://redfrique.blogspot.com)


Sleeping Naked (http://wanklog.blogspot.com)

Why do men fall asleep after sex? (http://myhotbox.blogspot.com)

BDSM and Fetish

Dominating my Man! (http://www.la-day.blogspot.com)

The Honeymoon Part II (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)


Judas Kiss (http://nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)

Met with a white boi today (http://www.caramelvixen.com)

Negotiation 101 (http://www.dangerousfemme.com)

A Pleasant Personal Punishment (Part One) (http://seanandmel.blogspot.com)

A Return To (http://fresh-fetish.com/blog)


Threesome with Master R and Master Anakin (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)

NSFW Pics

Lots More New Nudes of Me (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)

My Friend Naughty Julie (http://www.seska4lovers.com)

New I Feel Myself Video (http://eroticandy.blogspot.com)


Nicole Graves (http://hotboxbabe.thumblogger.com)

Humor

Cumming Confusion (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

Ms Naughty Is About Porn For Women (http://www.msnaughty.com/blog/)

Sex Work

My Sweet Lil Young Voice… (http://kyliecallme.com)

Naught Julie courtesty of Seska 4 Lovers.

Birthday

I am one of those people who loves birthdays. It doesn't matter if it is mine or someone else's I love celebrating life with my friends. I will be 29 on August 31st. (I can't wait to be 35. I am not sure why but it has always been the "magic" year for me.) This last year has been one of constant change and cleansing. I have ended personal relationships, changed friendships, gained new business associates, picked up a few new hobbies and laid out my plan for the next few years.


The years lesson?
"Release that which does not serve me."

People have asked how I feel being so close to 30. I am not sure how to respond to that, it's sort of like "what's it like to breathe?" Um..Good? I have never been afraid to grow old. I welcome increased age because with that comes experience and education. I live to experience all life has to offer and crave knowledge so both things sound good to me. Who cares if my tits end up losing the battle with gravity. I am gonna cut them off before then to save my back anyway.

My friends were always much older than I was growing up, so age never entered into my idea of hip. I wish our elders were revered for the wisdom they can impart. But that is another post all together. So how does it feel turning 29? It feels kickass. I have a wonderful career I enjoy immensely, a beautiful slave who is utterly devoted to me, a group of wonderful friends who are each talented artists, and a fantastic stable of professional clients who keep me entertained and occupied. I would say things are pretty fucking good.

Another great thing about getting older is getting past reverse agism. Some people assume they know everything there is to know about you based on your age. People often times assume your play experience is based on age as well. A sort of dismissive "oh isn't that cute, she really knows what she doing for being such a youngster." Puke.

So woohoo for birthdays and climbing the hill to 30. A couple of you have asked for birthday suggestions so I dusted off my Amazon Wishlist and added some new equipment. The silly software isn't letting me prioritize it so you have to hit the drop down menu up top where it says sort by: hit priority. I specifically added a few pieces I need to improve production values on the smut I am cranking out. The rest are cds to expand my music collection since I am learning to use a mixer.

An alternative gift idea is to donate money to the Free Speech Coalition. They are at the front of the fight to save our smut and anything you can do to help them would be an amazing gift as well.

Finally, boys wishing to celebrate from afar should give their cocks 29 smacks with a wooden ruler on the morning of the 31st.

Stay slick.

Call for exhibitionists

I am looking for some slutty exhibitionists who want to get dressed up , tied down and have kinky things done to them, all for the sake of smut.

I will be shooting a lot of content over the next couple months and would love to include some new play partners. You should have an actual interest in playing, this wont be stand and model S/m. Here are some things to consider:

- Experience is not necc.
- Masked positions are available.
- We must have similar interests.
- You will provide legal identification.
- This is not a paid gig.
- Masochism is not a requirement.
- A genuine interest in kink is.
- If your really hairy, prepare to be shaved.
- Be physically fit. (This means flexibility and stamina more than size.)
- Have a sense of humor.
- Have excellent personal hygiene.
- Be able to communicate your limits, interests and experience.

Take a look at the explicit preview on my site for an idea of the sort of scenes we may be doing and please read through my interests thoroughly.

If your interested email me here with a brief description and your availability.

Boys keep in mind this is not the way to get a "free" session. It is a different dynamic entirely.

There is a Mr Creepypeepers at my window!

I looked up a few hours ago to find a man outside my office window. It was alarming to say the least. Wrong window fucko, I am not intimidated by a little peeping tom.




My office backs up to a large driveway with a small adjacent backyard. The window has a split pane that opens out making a 1 by 2.5 ft opening. The frosted security glass has wire in it so you can not see in or out. I flung it open and said hello. He told me they were doing some work back there, and apologized for startling me. No problem. I closed the window almost all the way and returned to my desk.

A few minutes later I opened the window again and he was out there looking across the yard. He seemed to be watching over another worker. He inquired about the type of business this was. I explained to him that we are an art studio, also hosting educational events. (Somewhere in there, he told me he was the brother of the guy who lives in the house behind my office.)

He seemed harmless enough but my creepy meter was still on alert. I pulled the window to and returned to work. A couple of minutes later I looked up and he was standing close to the window. His hand was moving back and forth by his crotch. (He appeared to have his pants on and no little gristle sticking out so I wasn’t positive it was not just a case of rotten crotch.)I jumped up and threw the window open once more. I asked him what kind of work they were doing and he stammered again that his brother lived there. He obviously didn’t realize I could make out what he was doing through the window. He stepped away from me about 3 feet and continued to look across the yard, trying to make small talk.

At this point, it again seemed as if he might have been watching out for someone. Shit! I knew a window was open off the main dungeon and decided it would be a good idea to secure the entire building. I closed and locked the window. I grabbed my .45 (just to be safe) and headed back. I then moved methodically through each room of the studio, making sure everything was in order. It all looked good and the windows were closed. I was still uneasy. I locked my gun back up and headed outside to check the building and speak with the neighbors…

Long story short:

Mr. Creepypeepers is not a brother to anyone on this block.
Who would have thought?

I notified all the neighbors behind the studio, the three adjoining businesses and called the police to make a suspicious person report. Kitten is posting flyers with his description this evening, just in case he lives around here. I aim only to make his punk ass uncomfortable and let him know this is the wrong neighborhood to try things like that in. I have no delusions that he will be arrested or anything like that.

I am so glad that I am out. My landlord, neighbors and family all know what I am doing here and that relieves tremendous pressure when something weird goes down. Times like this remind me of why I am so adamant about being open with people about my career and lifestyle choice. I never want anyone to feel like they have the advantage of my being ashamed or afraid to speak with the authorities.

I now have a large can of mace within arms reach of my desk. (just in case any more creepypeepers decide to take a gander.)

Time to organize a neighborhood watch.

What is the world coming to when a dominatrix has to clean up the neighborhood?

Negotiation 101

Negotiation is a process of communication where players discuss their interests, experience,desires and limits. It is an integral part of any consensual BDSM exchange. Engaging in any of the physical or mental aspects of BDSM with someone you have not negotiated with is considered rude at best. It is abuse most of the time. That is why it is in poor taste to expect someone you don't know to act as your slave or even in a dominant role. Just because someone is kinky does not mean they wish to engage in that sort of play with you or anyone else. (Some people do choose to engage in scenes with anonymous people without negotiating. This can be extremely dangerous for both parties and I do not recommend it.)

Negotiating gives you more to work with anyway, if you know exactly what buttons to push they will be all the more malleable. Everyone has a different method for negotiating their play. My style is candid and conversational. I ask a lot of questions that are designed to get the bottom talking about their previous experience and fantasies in a non confrontational, easy going manner. This relaxes them. I use this time to reassure them that it is important to be completely honest with me as I will be using the information I gather to construct a scene that combines both of our interests. The more clearly they answer my queries the better time we will have.
I negotiate with people whom I have only exchanged an email or two with a lot, your experiences will probably differ quite a bit.

Some people use lists comprised of many different fetishes and BDSM activities to tell a partner what they are interested in exploring. Those lists can be a great guideline to discuss different areas of interest. They do not explain the motivations for being interested in any of the activities. They are simply a tool to assist in a more thorough negotiation, not the negotiation itself. This is because looking at a list won't tell you why someone likes to be bound. It will not tell you what it is like for them to be humiliated.You need to discuss why the checked items either work or don't work for them so you can pick up themes in both interests and limits.

When I question a potential play partner about their interests I ask them to elaborate on each one. For instance , if they say "I like rubber", I ask them what they like about it. Is it the smell? It is the way it looks? Do they enjoy wearing it? Its restrictive qualities? It is important to establish what it is about the activity or object that is desirable. Some one with a foot fetish may have a very specific interest in smelly feet. If they don't elaborate during negotiation and you start trampling that person thinking it is a reward your scene time will have been wasted and the effect watered down. The same holds true for limits. It is important to find out why something is a limit, even if the answer is "I am not comfortable with that at this time." Assumption during negotiation is short sighted and wastes a lot of time down the road.

After asking their general interests and limits I inquire about their health. At this time I ask what if any medication they are on, previous surgeries and any other health related information I should be aware of. This should include seizures,heart conditions, asthma, allergies, STDs and anything else that would be relevant to the type of scene your doing. (If you are playing with a new partner I highly recommend playing as though they do have an std. This is one of the best ways to protect yourself. Remember, many people do not even realize they are carriers to diseases that lie dormant for many years.You do not have to exhibit physical signs to pass on most STDs)

This is a good time to ask about any past fears,trauma or abuse that have occurred in their past. Not everyone interested in kinky games has had an abusive past but if they have it is important to know. This will tell you hot buttons to either push or stay away from depending on your relationship and the type of play you both enjoy. The stuff we are doing is intense and can trigger emotional responses from past traumas. Don't let that scare you off. It can also help you work through many things that hold you back and can provide some of the most intimate , sacred moments with another person imaginable. Vulnerability and trust are amazingly potent aphrodisiacs.

Ask the bottom when the last time they ate was and what it consisted of. Tying someone up who is dehydrated or has not eaten is a recipe for disaster. It is a quick way to get them to pass out. I tell my bottoms to eat a light protein meal one hour before coming in. They are also instructed to be well rested and hydrated. If they have not eaten, get them something light before proceeding.

Now I ask various questions depending on the person sitting in front of me. The rest of the negotiation is about getting the bottom to speak candidly about what makes their jewelry jingle or their sack shrivel. Here are some ideas:

Describe your favorite scene.
Describe a scene that didn't work out, and why it did not go well.
Describe your favorite porn.
What do you think about when you masturbate?
Tell me about the first time you realized you were kinky.


The point is to get them talking so that you can gather information to make your scenes safer, more authentic and more effective. It is important to make the discussion relaxed and sexy. This is supposed to be fun, you are not filling out census information. A well executed negotiation will give you insight into your bottom that all of the how to books in the world won't match. I have lots more to add on this but my spandex sheets are calling...

Nighty night.

(Negotiation 201 will cover topics like: how important is sex for your scene, what sort of feedback is important and what sort of relationship are both players looking to explore.)

Bunny Boy ( take two)

*video link removed

Let's see if I am too dirty for google.

Come on, there is not even any gristle showing.

*Edited:
It is official, bunny bitch is too hot for google.

Humility

I was so inspired by the feedback from the preview video I did some playing around myself. The quality is really sketchy because I used an old film filter and you tube compression blows. I think its good for a little chuckle. Thank you lacy for being such a good sport.Lacy is one of my most entertaining humiliation sluts. She is an accomplished sissy and will do almost anything to entertain me.

Edited:
oops..I guess YouTube doesnt like the site of nude men hopping around to "The Bunny Hop". It was funny.

New preview video!

The new video editor is on the ball. He worked up this trailer for me over the last couple of days. I told him I wanted it to be scary with a hint of sexuality, no overt porn. What do you think?



(In other news -I got my office completely organized, decluttered and polished.Two days ago I could not walk in here, it was full of boxes filled to the brim with paperwork and technology. The boxes are gone. Now it smells of orange wood polish and pepper-sage incense. The email crisis is handled (about 60% answered) and everything left is low priority. Next week I start shooting content again for the site. I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.)

Welcome to my email nightmare.

I just recieved about 200 emails dated all the way back to May. They were submitted to my website through the contact form. It is obviously a form malfunction. If you wrote to me and recieved no response that is why. I will be sifting through and responding to them in the coming week. I am going to calmly step away from the computer and pour myself a nice big glass of red wine.

Being a dominatrix is so glamorous I can hardly stand it.

Introducing people to rubber kink:

“Would you mind putting this on for me?” I have asked friends, lovers, bottoms and even kinky strangers to wear a bit of rubber. It’s normally a simple latex wrist glove. You can see their mind begin to race as soon as they slip fingers inside. The glove tightly conforms to their hand, becoming a second skin. It feels cool and smooth yet heats up quickly. I will drop a bit of lube in their hand if I am pulling out all of the stops. Instinctively, they begin to rub their thumb and forefingers together. It feels wet, warm and endlessly slippery. After you have someone here, it is only a light layer of lube to the rubber sheet.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of introducing a pervy threesome to rubber. They have been lovers for several years and have ventured down many pleasurable paths. The group was open minded but not wholly invested in giving the rubber sheet a whirl. “What do you use it for if you’re not going to pee on some one?” “Isn’t it hot?”

I smiled softly as I splayed the heavy industrial sheet out onto the bed. I love the swoosh as it hovers and the sound it makes as it lands. The novices greedily ran their hands along the length of the bed. That was easy. They were practically salivating at this point. I encouraged them to slither in and give it a whirl. “This feels so soft” “It is a lot cooler than I thought it would be. Not warm at all.” Time for lubricant.

I keep a bottle of pump action, silicone lube handy anytime I break out the rubber sheet. It is drizzled onto my cohort(s) before I have them slide around on the sheet. (Lube can be warmed in a bowl of hot water or with a heating pad for a nice effect.) The body glide creates a slick, thin layer of lubricant for the latex to slide on.

The triad needed only a hint of lubricant to understand the magic of the latex sheet. They were a tangled, sweaty mess before I could even get my gloves on. Moral of the story? Find simple non-threatening ways to introduce people to your latex kink -the rubber will do the dirtiest work for you.

Sugasm #40 (Links to sexy blogs)

I found some fantastic writers through this last week. I hope you find some pearls of pervy wisdom in this weeks installment:

Mr. Sugasm himself

The New Wave of Porn Star Hookers (http://www.sugarbank.com)

BDSM and Fetish

Sweet Torture (http://xantasia.blogspot.com)

Sweet and Dirty (http://tangysweet.blogspot.com)

A Spanking Interlude (http://www.spankingwriters.com)

Spanked Again! (http://everythingoze.blogspot.com)


Punishment vs. Discipline (http://www.alternativealbany.com/bdsm/)

A Lesson in the Fine Art of Whipping (http://designingintimacy.blogspot.com)

I feel slightly better and get the brush and the paddle… Hmmmm (http://spankingkatiespades.blogspot.com)

A Gift (http://thebinside.blogspot.com)


Frugal Kink: The $25 Toy Bag (http://www.dangerousfemme.com)

D is for Daddy (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)

Carol’s room (http://assistantmistress.blogspot.com)

Erotic Writing and Experiences

What a girl has to do… (http://dawnndirty.blogspot.com)


Virginal Cherry (http://femmefataleteen.blogspot.com)

Touched, for the very first time (http://faltenin.blogspot.com)

Surprise (I) (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

Sunday Confession (http://wetbeyondbelief.blogspot.com)

Sexual Exploration (http://sexyukgirl.blogspot.com)


The Return of the Lawyer (http://www.suchnonsense.com)

Outside (http://bdsmlover.blogspot.com)

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

Things are going a million miles a minute around here. I am going to be administrating my site for the next 6 months or so. This is the first time I will be handling things exclusively; I am both excited and nervous. Steen is going to come back on later this year, she has a lot going on in L.A. I have been in meetings all week with video and photo editors, marketing peeps and slutty girls for shooting. I also managed to squeeze in a 5 mile hike over the weekend, a two hour punch-fucking scene with kitten and I got the mixer set back up. Life is wonderful but incredibly busy.

I will have stable internet access at the dungeon the by end of the day, and a hot fisting report from kitten by tomorrow. You should have seen her whoring it up on my arm...She even spun around mid-fist fuck.