Weekend kink.

People expect me to date only submissives due to my strong dominant nature. Funny thing is, I have always had it bad for strong women. I adore the confidence and grace that a woman of stature carries... The regal elegance in her appearance... the simple way she demands service with her very presence...It all dings my bell. My ideal partner would be a queer, poly, switch woman with a dirty mouth, a salty past and an open heart. Spending the weekend with just that type of woman was refreshing and exhausting all at the same time. I feel blessed to cross paths with so many articulate perverts. It has definitely raised the bar for my future lovers. Just having kinky interests in common is no longer enough. I need artists who are spiritually aware and interested in really expanding their awareness and limitations. I enjoy pushing my own boundaries and comfort levels as both a top and a masochist. ( I especially love incorporating predicament situations in which we both receive intense sensation.) It feels like a nasty fairytale sometimes, and I really like it when the fairy tale has two evil Queens. This weekend was a glimpse into such a Queendom.

Our guests arrived on Saturday afternoon. I was unsure how much energy I could conjure after a 60 plus hour week renovating the studio.( I get going on these tangents and don't want to stop until it is all done. I would rather work until I can not see straight for a week than just a few hours a day all month long.) When M & m blew in, it was like a whirlwind of kinky goodness rustling about. They were coming to see us at the end of a two week vacation and their joy was contagious. We had a brief but intense connection with M last year. She is a statuesque red head with royal features, a devious voice and a penchant for pervery. She had a strong , vibrant energy that Kitten was very taken with. My interest was immediately peaked. (Kitten rarely expresses interest in other players.) We met and chatted briefly, I quickly understood. She was hot, knowledgeable and unabashedly kinky. YUM. (She ended up missing her flight home during our first rendezvous and we were all looking forward to a more extended visit.) Her boy is a cutie with big eyes, a sexy mohawk and a sweet little smile that disappears when she slaps him. (His cries were so cute, I encouraged her to smack him at every turn.)

The weekend is a blur of kinky , flirty fun and a lot of the details escape me. I was concentrating on enjoying , as opposed to reporting. Some highlights:

~ Making the boy fetch the penny. We needed to put the boy in bondage so we could spend some time one on one. I suggested the old penny on the wall trick to which he muttered something akin to "You're the first one to think of that". I informed him I hadn't really put any effort into it, we were looking for a simple solution to occupy him for a bit. Fetch seemed more appropriate at that point. I tossed the penny across the dank dungeon floor and directed him to fetch. He hesitated until his owner told him to do the same. The little fucker actually walked over and picked it up. With his hands! I knew they played a lot different than we do. I was not offended but definitely wanted to see the little guttersnipe pay. When he brought it back She forced him to put it in his mouth and clean it. It was a filthy penny that had surely been in countless pockets, most recently skidding across a dungeon floor that anyone could have been fucking on. As if that was not hot enough she started slapping him in the face with his cute little hat. I told her how excited it made me to see her react so violently to his insubordinance and she carried on. He whimpered and whined, I giggled and she was relentless. Be still my heart.

~ The double confession. We had our subjects make a little confession on the kneeling bench before us. Ideas were tossed about for the "Fem Supreme Court" and we both delighted in making things uncomfortably kinky for the two of them. My girl got embarrassed and flustered easily while her boy had to fight the urge to be cutesy or flippant. It was a real pleasure seeing a true verbal master at work. Her humiliation skills were subtle yet effective. The maternal tone in her voice putting them at false ease. I went so far as to remove my shirt to distract her boy. ( Admittedly at the request of his very persuasive owner. Did I mention she has amazing tits? Well if not, she does.) We dragged that out for sometime. They were even forced to go choreograph a little routine at the end. It was highly entertaining.

~ Making kitten stick her fingers in her cunt at dinner and share the experience with anyone interested in taking part. That included the entire table. Everyone slowly sniffed and savored the scent of her pussy. It was very naughty, this was a nice little restaurant with very few tables. She cleaned it off with her mouth after we tested the wares.

~ Random filthy talk. I rarely meet anyone who just says random nasty things like I do. I was impressed, entertained and turned on by the tasteless porno banter we had going at times.

" I want to piss on her, but you. You...I would drink your piss..."
"I just want to chew your sphincter..."
"I would piss and shit my pants all night to ..." and the entertaining little talk after that one.

"Jolie holes and Pitt sticks." Where in the hell did that whole thing start anyway?

~ Kitten throat fucking m at Crush. Their little wrestling matches. Facesalpping, the works.


~ Flashing you guys at the bar and our little dance sequence.

~ Facefucking kitten for two hours in latex shorts with a hood built into the crotch. Did I mention I was in the medical chair? That was nothing short of nasty rubber sex. Good work pussycat. Your reward? Two tickets to the gun show!


~ Seeing M manhandle m. I told her how hot it made me and she obliged by slapping him in the face until my pussy was dripping. I even gave a hand by loaning my sandal for the cause.They were a joy to observe and his boyish "ouch" was adorable.

~ Ordering pussycat to attack the boy and watching her go. She is turning into a little mean machine.

~ Our time spent alone in the back. Yum, yes and more soon.

There was a lot more going on. I am at a loss as to the specifics. We spent a long time in a silly role play that ended up twisting into some pretty mean and nasty talk. It was refreshing to play like that with someone who could roll with whatever little silliness came up (and stay in role). We were being ridiculous Hollywood types and having way too much fun doing it. What a great fucking time. Thanks Bradley.

It was a weekend of high energy flirting, bantering and bonding. I can not wait to spend more time with M & m. I am certain there will be many opportunities in the near future. I believe there has been some talk of pelvises being ripped apart and weighted speculums? Maybe even some hooks and such. I feel renewed and refreshed. Pussycat has been rewarded with all the pussy she can eat for all of her hard work the last few weeks. Things are flowing right along at studio and my latest peeps have arrived. Word has it there are some rubber kink shoots in the works later this week.

What a weekend.

My weekend was spent indulging in two delicious visiting perverts and my adorable kitten. I am worn out with a full day of preparations today. (Steen and company are heading up tomorrow for a visit!)

I will try and get a recap done for you sometime today. One thing is for certain, I HAVE to get to Chicago soon and extend the filthy dyke romp we had over the weekend. M you and your boy were a joy and a slick , nasty blessing. Thank you for the opulent display of hedonism. You are welcome in my dungeon as well as my bed anytime. (I will most definitely take you up on the invitation to tear your pelvis apart.) In due time...

4 years in Portland today!

This is the first place I have lived that I have absolutely adored. I would not live anywhere else in the U.S. for any substantial amount of time. It is the perfect blend of small, artsy town meets beautiful city. I can be in any major West Coast city in 2-3 hrs if I need a big city fix. I have been reflecting everything that has happened in the last 4 years. Wow. I wouldn't know where to begin to describe it all. I love this town.

Still plugging away at the studio.I am so pleased with how it is turning out. It feels like it is truly my space again. I set up a spa room for my massage table and supplies. I want to have all the pedicure supplies, hot stones, massage tools and the like available anytime. (I have Kitten informally trained in reflexology and massage.)( Thanks S for the inspiration. Your one of my favorite witchy hedonists.)This is the best the space has felt since I have lived here and its great that its just in time for my "Ptown Anniversary".

I am nervous about the upcoming events this summer. People can be so disrespectful to the space. I was recently talking to a friend of mine while she helped with some work at the studio. She recounted a time when she had been at another event here and offered to help them clean up afterwards. (Keep in mind: It was a private event that received a deep discount to support a charity cause.) As the event wound down, she asked someone if she should start cleaning up. Their response " Oh I have rented here before. I can clean this place in 15 mins."

Really?( If you were here you would see the shock and awe on my face.) It takes Kitten and another person at least 3 hrs to prepare it for a party if there is nothing to pick up or move. Cleaning is a lot more than picking up trash. It is 3,500 sq ft of multiple rooms including 2 bathrooms. 15 minutes? (and people wonder why I am done.) I am going to draw up a new, more detailed rental agreement with cleaning and damage fees included. I have been really laid back in the past but my bullshit meter is off the charts at this point. I just hate to think of all the work we have been doing being demolished during a few parties.

I am sure you would rather look at something saucy than hear me gab about studio stuff. This is just at the front of my mind. I have a ton of people asking about it. When it is all said and done I can link these posts on the Venom site for future reference. Then inquiring minds can read it straight from the source and I wont have to repeat the same stuff over and over.

Now on to the saucy stuff:

Look at this hood!. I would trade a cup size for this baby. Seriously, I almost had an orgasm just looking at it. YUMMY.

Safer Sex Rant.

People have to wake up and start being accountable for sexual safety in our social groups. I do not mean making mandatory safe sex rules. (...Though that will be the policy when my space goes private.)I mean calling out those who knowingly spread disease without regard for others safety.

A particular situation has been on my mind lately...

I know of a person who has Hep C. This person is a professional body piercer and also participates in suspension rituals. ( I am unsure if they are licensed but know they have worked with well known shops.) I have seen the person hang above patrons in a public space with open hooks. They do not disclose their illness to people they are in high risk situations with. This is reprehensible and I am at a loss for what to do. On the one hand I say "This is not my business." On the other I feel negligent knowing this information and doing nothing. To make matters worse the person is recently getting more involved the BDSM community and hooked in with a really cool group of people I know. I am not good friends with this group, though we have a nice rapport and I hate that their reputation is going to further this persons agenda. I feel at a loss for what steps to take. Where do we draw the line? What makes someone no longer welcome in our "community" at large? I am so tired of this all inclusive ,any sociopath is ok bullshit. Some people are not responsible enough to live this lifestyle and should not be welcomed with open arms by a community so keen on safety and education.

I think people like this are dangerous, selfish predators. If someone was knowingly running through a party shooting off bullets they would definitely be ejected and most likely arrested. Why is it that if the weapon is a social disease everyone just clams up and pretends nothing is happening?

I am curious to hear other people experiences with similar situations and any advice you may have for handling this. It is a touchy situation and I do not want to cause unnecessary drama or gossip. I feel that apathy around this stuff is a huge part of the problem.

On a lighter note: The reception room at the dungeon is freshly painted after a marathon yesterday. It is "crisp sage green" with a fresh creme ceiling. It looks and feels divine. Before we started painting, I spent the entire day yesterday doing space clearing and solstice rituals. (Thank you V for donating paint. You are a gift in our lives.)

So you want to see another Domme...

Just admit it already! It is no big deal. I spoke with a very nice gentleman yesterday who told me he had been waiting a long time to contact me for a session. His reason? He felt as if it may be disrespectful to another Domme he had sessioned with at the dungeon. What a nice guy. I decided it was a good time to talk about "referrals".

When you session with a dominatrix you are compensating her for her expertise and discretion. Unless you have a personal relationship with her you should feel free to session with whomever you like. Slaves will often impose limits on themselves like this to make their exchange more intense. I seriously question the motive when a Domina "forbids" her clients to see other Mistresses. I want my play partners to indulge a range of sensations and experiences so that they can bring more to the table when we are playing. I would rather a bottom ask me for a referral so that I can recommend someone safe and competent, and most of my esteemed colleagues would as well.

Some reasons a Pro Domme might have for not wanting you to see anyone else:

- Concerned about keeping training consistent.
- Concern for your safety.
- To enhance the feeling of "ownership" for both parties.
- Concern you may decide to see someone else regularly.
(This list is short, I would love to hear from those of you who do not allow your pro clients to session with others, especially if you have reasons not listed here!)


Reasons I believe you should not be obligated to do so:

- The more you play the more you learn.

- Being competitive should be about staying current and fresh on your skills, and consistently raising the bar for your own sessions. (Not trying to keep the slaves from exploring other options.) Insecurity and jealousy around other Dommes only serves to undermine your own power. There is enough to go around, I promise.

- The more people we have familiar with and using professional domination services the better. It only stands to increase our visibility and working conditions. ( Ladies, think about it this way: In my experience, clients who have seen many Mistresses generally have much better manners and are able to articulate their needs in a much more concise manner.)

- When you compensate me financially for my time you create a situation where I can devote my attention to you exclusively. One of the major differences in personal and professional slavery is the level of commitment by the slave. (There are exceptions.) The personal slave must work very hard to earn time in service, where the pro relationship is based more on convenience.( That is not to say the pro-scene is more or less "real", only that some people haven't the time or interest in exploring this full time.) The commitment is short and sweet without all of the normal relationship complications. That is part of the beauty of what we do. We offer people a rare opportunity to explore parts of themselves previously hidden in a safe, no strings attached manner.

I am getting ready for Solstice work this A.M. and I am out of time. I decided it's better to jot some notes while this was fresh, rather than wait until i have time for a full essay.

Back to your regularly scheduled perversions...

Medical Tables

I am feeling so refreshed and alive this week. I have been in meetings for the last week or so working out details for new business plans and getting adjusted to being back in the West.I feel my kinky fire coming alive again. Spending more time in the studio always perks up my libido...

My favorite bondage devices are my medical tables. I have three. The most basic is a standard gyno table. It is white and gray and in perfect condition. (I am looking to get rid of this one, if you want a nasty Dr table email me!) These used to really trip my trigger until I got my antique operation table. I came across a fully restored 1920's operation table several years ago in Austin. I was cruising an antique mall for hair brushes and there she was. A striking white, chrome and light yellow delight. It functions as a gyno chair, inversion table and has a 360 degree spin when flat. It has a nasty little slit up the middle with a drawer and little spout. It is used to collect bodily fluids. I get turned on just looking at it.

The newest and shiniest is a modern table. It is black and chrome with amazing "tension" stir ups. They whip out from under the table and go to the proper position with little to no effort. It has hydraulics and does everything the antique table does. Instead of a "drip drawer" it has a removable half moon in the seat, offering easier access to the naughty bits.

If you have never been properly fucked on a medical table you are really missing out. They allow entry in a wonderful variety of ways. I think it is time to get out the dental tools, I am feeling inspired.

Portland goes gay for a day!

I had a great time yesterday. Got dolled up in my most obnoxious polka dotted latex dress, big sunglasses and a grin from ear to ear. Mommy Char had set up a truck on the parade route so we had a place to sit and relax. (Thank you!) It was a small but enthusiastic turnout by Ember's this year. ( Ember's is a Ptown drag haven.) The floats were an interesting mix of churches, corporations, charities, support organizations, performance troops and perverts. It was really nice to see everyone show their support.

I loved the In Her Tube car. It was a little old mint green (ish) car and they had a strap on harness on the front. So cute. I love their product. It is recycled rubber (inner tubes)and they custom fit them, specializing in big girls. They also make a really cool harness that goes on like a wrist guard. It has a hole in the center that you stick your favorite faux cock through and “Voila!” No more hand cramping or carpal tunnel! Well not a complete end, but dildo loving dykes and other women who love to jack off know exactly what I am talking about. They are making a new crop as well, they sweetly tossed me one during the parade. This thing is light and whippy but also very accurate. Did I mention its rubber? Ok I am going to stop gushing , just go check them out, it is good stuff.( Thanks again. You ladies rock. We want to see more of you in the near future.)

Next year, I want to be on the square dancing float. They seemed to be having the best time. They were full on square dancing through downtown Portland. How could that not be fun?

Other favorites were Sissyboy, Red Dress Party, the Latin dancers, the firemen, baton twirlers, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and of course seeing the leather pervs out in full force is always nice. I like watching Bridgett's little lamb crack his whip. (Dinner soon.)One of the most amazing ones I saw was a local high school. I am so happy I live in a city where a high school will sponsor a float in the Pride Parade. That does not happen back home.

The hottest is always “Dyke's on Bikes”. They start the parade and just cruise through downtown looking like mean ass biker dykes. Hello , Hello! This year a particular pair caught my eye, anyone know who the hot blondes were towards the back in revealing leathers? I am guessing they were from out of town, if not someone please clue me in. Yum.

Spanks decided to go check out the water front festival with me since Char and Roxy opted to head home. We hooked up with Ling briefly. She was looking like a sex pot in her all nude ensemble, cruising L Word style in her fancy glasses and midriff sweater. I had a few drinks and just wanted to enjoy the day so we wandered about with no big plan. Ran into tons of people, some good, some strange and some extremely hot women I would love to see again.

I was looking forward to a day without work, however, when you run a kinky space and attend a queer event, it is inevitable you will talk shop. A lot of people were fishing for studio info (understandable). Most of them happy for me and supportive of my choice to shut it down. I cleared up a few misconceptions and had a weird exchange with this guy who seems to always have a dominant stick up his ass ( or one in his mouth, one never knows about these things). You know the type, they always have something to prove. He came up in the middle of a lovely conversation I was having to make a huge production of saying hello to his friends (One of whom he had just been speaking to). He went through the trouble of saying “ Hello My Friend XXX “and kissing one on the lips, then repeated the grandiose little ritual with the other. I assumed he was just drunk or something until he turned to me and said “oh and…(creepy pause) hi. I am SOOO sorry to hear your bad news.” (Umm,What? Mistress Manners needs to make a visit to this one.) I told him that was a very strange way to say hello and I was not sure what he was referring to. I am doing great. He mentioned the studio and it became clear. This was his shoddy attempt to publicly humiliate me.

Silly boy. For humiliation to work you actually need to know what your talking about. He was misinformed and apparently thought I was “losing” my dungeon. It was distasteful that someone who I have never had a conversation with (beyond general niceties) would find glee in my perceived failure. Some people have so little joy in their own lives they live to see other people fail. (Sorry pal, next stop, all is good in my pervy corner of the world.) Let’s just say he was surprised and obviously disappointed when I told him that it was not bad news for me but I understood others would be disappointed. His big smile faded and he scurried off as soon as he found that there was no misery to throw in anyone’s face. How predictable. Things like this are the exact reason I want to get out of holding public events and renting to people I do not know.

Overall the day was a lot of fun and a needed break from my fanatical studio cleansing… Lots of instructional stuff and sessions coming up. Also, getting ready for about 8 visitors coming through town in the next 3 weeks. Its going to be a slick and dirty den of vice.

I’ll keep you posted.

P.S. Excuse the rambling nature of my recent posts. I have a lot going on and am having a hard time focusing. Things will be back in full swing this next week.

Portland Pride

Happy Pride Pervies! I am heading downtown to watch the festivities. We decided not to set up a booth and all that jazz but we will be creeping around all day out at the water front. Just look for the bevy of latex dykes with water guns.

P.S. Happy Daddy Day!

kitten gets assfucked.

How is that for a subject line?

(You are welcome kitten.)I am sure she will be thrilled I am sharing this with you. I was at the studio working and she was slutting it up (as usual). She likes to stick her ass out and pose like a little hooker for me. It is charming and sometimes, it pays off for her. (She is a sexy little minx after all.) Today was one of those times. I grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and told her to drop her pants. She did as instructed and presented her fuckhole like a good little kitty. I went and grabbed some lube and a rubber for the fruit.

I also grabbed a butt plug. As far as she knew, the banana was being prepped for insertion. I didn't want to make a mushy mess and didn't have time to smooth the rough edges on the monkey food. (I should mention she was stopping by on her way to work.) We were right behind the new white curtain in the studio window. I can see out but no one can see in. It was really hot to watch the people passing by. I slowly dripped lube down her ass and she began to protest. For about 3 seconds. Then it was cat in heat time, business as usual. It was painful for her but she took it like a good girl. I assured her if she complained or whined any further she would be wearing a plug to work. I fucked her ass for about 10 minutes before positioning the plug in her pants. Her pants were just below her ass cheeks. It balanced delicately.

She was instructed to go to the bathroom for removal and cleaning. " Do not use your hands to hold it in." It was priceless to see her scurry backwards, hunched over trying to balance a huge black plug dangling out of her nasty hole.

I feel like a dirty old man.

"Private Space"

Things are moving along at record speed in the studio. The window is freshly painted and looking very clinical. Perfect. It is going to take a while to complete my vision. In the interim, I made a sign " Installation in progress... Private Space No Public Use." I get so frustrated with people knocking on the door. (Mostly foot traffic, though sometimes people who have come to events.) I also hope to cut down on people inquiring about studio use by coming to the door. Our guests often need strict discretion, not to mention the doorbell is distracting when you are conducting a scene.

Someone I do not know well asked me if I was putting the private sign in the window as a "ha ha we are no longer public". I had not even considered it that way. I was shocked and it took me a moment to think about it. It was a very strange assumption. I am closing the studio so that I don't have to worry about other people and can focus on my needs as well as those of my pervy family. There is nothing beyond that, really. I am tired of doing it, I work for myself and can make decisions based on what I would like to do. Sorry folks, no juicy secret.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say my decisions are based on what is best for me, not community perception. I do not spend my time trying to manipulate and "neener neener boo boo" people. My energy is spent on creative endeavors not destructive social games.

There is a misconception that because I am closing the space for public use this means I will not maintain the dungeon. I never said that. Not that this is anyone's business, considering I pay my own bills...but...I do understand, inquiring minds want to know; I will be maintaining my current space. I will no longer be allowing public use because it is too time consuming, costly, and destructive.

When I originally decided to close the space I was buying property and planned to combine home and business. I offered the information about rental to several organizers for large kinky groups in Portland. People showed interest but no ambition to move forward. Since then, things have evolved. The offer no longer stands. My landlord really wants me to stay and made me an offer I could not refuse.

I am elated and so thankful. I love this place, I have poured everything I have spiritually, financially and mentally into it. This new situation is going to allow the freedom to travel and explore my path as I desire. I will be honoring all party rentals currently booked and will continue to rent to established renters. ( A closing date will be Mid-August sometime. We are no longer accepting new renters or booking parties.)

Now, enough studio gossip. I want nothing more than for someone else to pick up where I have left off and open a newer, bigger, better playspace for Portland kinksters to enjoy. Stumptown perverts , kick it into high gear and get another space going! Time is of the essence. Someone has to take action or large public parties will be a thing of the past. We have an amazing group of people here who are very resourceful. Won't someone step up?

Check out this great post:

I am giving the studio a much needed facelift and falling in love with the space all over again. That is very good for me, but not so good for you. I haven't been able to concentrate on writing. I read an insipiring post today via Veronica via Bridgett's blog. That is a lot of "via". Without further ado:
http://badfaggot.livejournal.com/211022.html

So many of the things he said rang true for me. I think that is why I enjoy presenting information here, it gives me the opportunity to show the full scope of my relationships. (I have not mastered the art of being concise and that makes classes a little more work for me.)




I have to get the display window at the studio done this evening. It is driving me mad. Thank the gods for the abundance of paint I have. I'll be finishing an article I have been interviewing people about all week in the next couple of days, it is about "rejection".

Schpitz out.

Back to reality.

I am just getting settled back in and am so thankful for my generous friends and lovers. I am blessed. I spent the weekend getting reconnected with peeps. I had a delightful homecoming with a basket of goodies, sparkling house and studio (Thank you Pussycat and Spanks!) I am doing a lot of work on my studio right now and will be back to writing in the next couple days. It is good to be home.

Ms B

Killing time in Canada.

The longest flights are finished and I will be home in 3hrs! By some stretch of luck, Fanny and I were not seated together on either flight. I can only imagine how awkward that would have been. I am actually feeling very good about my decision to release her. I need to spend the little free time I have with people who respect and understand my efforts. Her behaviour and things that came out during out discussion let me know that she harbors a lot of unfounded resentment towards me. I refuse to be in any relationship like that.

Normally I would be upset by something like this but it feels right.After the initial shock dissolved I am content that this was the best decision for everyone involved. I only wish I had known her true feelings sooner so that neither of us would have wasted our time and energy. Thats really all I have to say on the matter at this time.

Thank you to those of you who have written with well wishes. I am doing great and looking forward to returning to my little pervy empire. I have a very appreciative slave keeping the homefires burning and I can not wait to see her! To the other beauties in Ptown I am thinking of meeting some people at the Point on Sunday evening. Drop me a note if ya want to join us.

"Fanny" set free.

I am writing form Tokyo waiting for my next flight... Many things have transpired over the last couple of days. The most significant is that fanny has been released from service. This was not a result of the previous entry on gratitude, but our conversation concerning it. She crossed a line that can not be corrected and is no longer welcome in my life. She used profanity towards me and spoke in a very crass, manipulative way and I am not in the business of putting up with that from anyone. ( Most definitly not slaves in my service.)I wish her the best but I can not offer her a good reference as she has a lot of things she needs to address in her life before making any sort of significant commitment. I am very pleased I was able to accompany her to Bangkok for her transition.(She is healing great with no complications.)I will do a more conclusive article around the SRS process I observed as I have the time. I learned a lot about it and I think you will find both informative as well as interesting.

Gratitude

I had a discussion last night that lead to an evening of thoughts revolving around gratitude and appreciation. Fanny and I were laying in the hotel room and she made a statement like “Even if I haven’t said it enough, I’m glad you come with me.” For some reason this really stuck a nerve. Perhaps it’s that we have been roommates for several weeks in a tiny hotel room and I am ready to have my privacy, servants and life back. I am unsure; either way it really struck me.

I told her I did not feel as if she really understood what I did to ensure the ability to come with her and no, she had not expressed it. (Taking a month off from my work and home obligations is no small feat. It required a lot of pre-planning and organization of friends and family on the home front, not to mention a large financial obligation.) I informed her that I had not heard one time “Thank you for taking the time off to come and be here for me. Your support has been great and I am so glad you were with me. I know that you had to really juggle a lot and I appreciate it.” Throwing out an after thought in the middle of a discussion the day before we leave is not the same thing. I had planned on addressing this after we got home; I wanted the trip to be as positive as possible. When she said this I decided there was no time like the present.

I did a lot to make this trip happen because I was concerned about her going through this alone. Most of her family has not been very supportive and she had no friends willing or able to join her. She seemed shocked that I told her I felt unappreciated. Stating she thought she had shown her gratitude by taking US to the theater a couple of days before. (I contributed to that evening as well, paying for our taxis and splitting food and drink costs.) For the record I prefer a real verbal acknowledgment and genuine understanding to token gifts any day of the week. (Do not misunderstand, I am a diva and adore being spoiled. That being said, buying me a gift instead of communicating genuine heart-felt appreciation is not what makes my heart sing.) There was never any mention of “I would like to take you to the theater as a token of my appreciation for your support” or anything like that. There was plenty of mention before hand about how much she wanted to go to this theater show.

Our “history” says fanny will realize some of these things she took for granted at a later time. I have been guilty of taking things for granted in my life but make a conscious effort these days to really appreciate my life and the people in it. I feel very fortunate to have learned that lesson early in life. I am unsure at this point what our future holds. My goal as her trainer and mentor has been to help her get through this transition safely and with support. That has been successfully completed and I think both of us have come to some strong realizations during this trip about our individual needs…

Slaves take note:
It is lovely and generous to flower a dominant with presents to show appreciation. However, if you do not verbalize your intent when giving them and gratitude you’re doing something akin to a parent trying to buy a child’s love. Gifts do not replace eye contact and honest communication no matter how flashy they are.

I am done with my little rant. Thanks for listening. I am heading out for my last day in Bangkok. I plan to sit in a temple by the river for a few hours and bask in the decadent glory with which these people celebrate their beliefs.

Jorng Ja Ruen Ka! ( Bless You)

“Does your family know about your job?”

My mother came to my first apartment and found a personal dungeon set up in my bedroom. Her response “ What is this?” My answer “ What does it look like?” I explained to her that I was no longer a child and if she was going to invite herself into my bedroom she should expect to find accoutrements of my sexuality. Then I laughed and explained she shouldn’t be surprised, I am her daughter after all. (She has to be the most dominant woman I have ever met.) I never felt guilty or strange because of my desires so it was not an issue to me. I didn’t flaunt my bisexuality or kinky proclivities as a youngster in the conservative Lone Star State but I played with power exchange and bondage since I can remember. My father died when I was about 5 years old from cancer he developed due to Agent Orange exposure in the Vietnam War. He was a free spirit and I am certain I would have been as open with him as I was with my mother.

My sister and I have always been very close. I was her surrogate mom through most of our latch-key childhood. She has seen my progression since then and was not surprised when I opted to make a career out of kink. I am not close with the rest of my family. They are close-minded, average right-wing Texans and we just don’t have a lot in common. I see no reason to freak Granny out with tales of fetish excursions and domination sessions. That would be selfish and wrong in my opinion. That being said, if she found out and asked me about it, I would not lie. My ethics revolve around not doing anything I am ashamed of or feel like I wouldn’t want someone I care for to find out about. Several of my cousins and a couple of aunts know what I do. Though they don’t understand, they trust my judgment and wish me well.

Being “out” was the only choice for me. I choose to only include people in my life who love me for who I truly am, not who they want me to be. I understand everyone has a unique situation and being out is not the best choice for some. I do my best to teach bottoms how to cope with the double life often required for enjoying kinky endeavors.

I would love to hear some concerns people who are not out have so that I can include them in a follow up.

For now…back to the pool!

Laptop woes.

I am not sure what happened but my lapop took the big nose dive this AM. I think it is the same problem I had a few months ago. My internet access will be limited until I get home and get it fixed. Pussycat, try and find my Dell paperwork and find out my warranty status, it's getting close to the end. Everyone else: I am gonna need a new laptop soon, any suggestions you have would be appreciated. I need something fast, with alot of storage, light wieght and reasonably priced. Thank you!
Ms B

Notes on being poly...

"Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired." The idea that I can only truly love and be sexually attracted to one person at a time doesn’t work for me. Think of it this way, your friends each offer you something different in the way of kinship. A friend who is humorous, a friend who is intellectual, someone who might have similar entertainment interests or the sarcastic one who will tell you how it really is… they each offer you a very different relationship dynamic. I think it is unreasonable to expect one person to fill all of these roles romantically. People change constantly and I believe that evolution is supported by having a variety of experiences and interactions with different energies. For me being poly is not just about sexual variety, but also the freedom to love and explore as I choose. That freedom tends to strengthen my primary relationships rather than detract from them.

One thing that is vital to making poly relationships work is open, honest communication. That is the only thing that can help people deal with jealousy and insecurity. Mr. Skateboard could never seem to grasp that one, hence our relationship’s demise. It is very difficult for some people who have been conditioned by society that “monogamy is the only way” to release the guilt they feel when having multiple partners. These same people are often unfaithful in secret. (They have the desire for multiple lovers but lack the skills necessary to incorporate it in a healthy, meaningful way.)I can’t imagine how unpleasant that must feel. For an eye opening look at how widespread that problem is, look at the statistics on extra marital affairs.

Most Americans are taught that sex is dirty unless it is between a single man and woman for procreation. ( and it better be missionary!) Unfortunately, some people are unable to break that thought pattern and try as they may, poly relationships do not work for them. I make no judgment against people who chose to stay monogamous as that can be a healthy, fulfilling choice for some. I would just like to see people consider other options and choose monogamy based on an educated and realistic choice, not a societal standard that they have been force fed.

A common misconception is that people who are poly sleep with anything that moves. For me this couldn’t be further from the truth. The fact that I have the freedom to fuck who I choose does not mean I am interested in sleeping with as many different people as possible. My relationships tend to be long-lasting intimate friendships that also incorporate sex.

These were random ideas about poly vs. monogamy that came about during a discussion. I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions and concerns regarding this. I will incorporate them into a more complete article in the future.

Until then…
COMMUNICATE with your lovers.
Use safer sex methods.
Don’t buy into the crazy right wing standards of sexuality.

"How did you become a dominatrix?"

This is the number one question people ask when they find out my career choice. I used to go into a long winded story of my early perversity and the natural progression to pro kink; these days I like to keep things simple. I thought that dominatrixes were just kinky prostitutes in my younger years. I never saw anything wrong with prostitution but as I have said before, I had no desire to explore it either. When I got my first “modern” computer, (Before that it was a Commodore 64!) I started researching all the kinky things I had fantasized about but couldn’t find information on. My early kinky literature consisted mainly of fine art coffee table books and Skin Two. Those were great stimulation, however, they didn’t explain the meat of the matter. I moved into more action-oriented materials by my late teens. (Thank you Jason from the now defunct ‘Forbidden Books’ in Dallas. If it wasn’t for him and his store I don’t know what this kinky Texan would have done.)

As I researched kink on the web I found several Mistresses who offered authentic BDSM exchanges without sex. My interest was piqued and I scoured the local papers trying to find a suitable mentor/employer. I had been playing personally for several years at that point but had no idea about the business of professional domination or the experience required. I found an ad right off. “Seeking dominatrix for shows,” (If I read that ad these days I would skip over it, I do not provide “shows” but at the time I didn’t know sex-work lingo. I find the word “show” disrespectful as it implies I am here to entertain you rather than teach you. It also makes the whole experience a lot more superficial. My sessions are authentic, not staged. I tell those looking for shows to pick up a local sex rag and have at it; plenty of “shows” to choose from there.)

I went and interviewed with a woman who was an escort seeking to expand her business with BDSM services. I explained to her very clearly what I was comfortable with and my previous experience with S/m. She assured me that she would only book me with clients seeking traditional BDSM with no sex or nudity on my part. I should have listened to my instincts when they said “this woman is trouble.” I did not. She ended up sending me on a total of two calls. When I arrived to interview each client they were expecting a kinky sex experience. I wished them good luck and left. After the first one I called her and explained what had happened. She apologized and assured me this wouldn’t happen again. The second time I left never to speak with her again. I was disheartened and assumed I had been correct, that a dominatrix was a kinky prostitute.

I continued to research my kinky interests and watched the careers of renowned Mistresses like Ilsa Strix. I admired the strength and allure present in their photos. I scoured through their beautifully written, insightful articles and about a year later, I decided to give it whirl again. I knew that some of these women were legitimate players and I wanted to live a life exploring my fantasies and helping others to realize their own. The second ad I answered was from a woman who I had seen advertised for a long time. She seemed legitimate and stated no “sex” was offered or implied. I called her and she was articulate and very clear about what was and was not expected. I liked her.

Mistress “M” was gracious and seemed to understand exactly what I was interested in. She had been a dominatrix for many years at that point and answered my questions easily and honestly. She worked out of a small apartment in a Dallas suburb that was outfitted with a “dungeon” in one of the bedrooms. (That is a common arrangement.) I worked with her for about a year and a half before deciding to venture out on my own. I learned a lot about the business from her, including how I didn’t want to do it.

She was a professional dominatrix who had no interest in playing in her personal life. I found, over time, that I could not respect that. One of the major problems with that is that any equipment bought is considered based on cost effectiveness and not quality. When I select a piece of gear it is a sincere desire that drives me, not “Is this going to make me more money?”

My other issue was that she required all people working with her to switch. (She did not switch herself.) I had already established at that point that I was not interested in switching with men or in a D/s situation. (I do enjoy exploring masochism with a few select women, however I do not enjoy being submissive.) I did my best to dissuade potential clients seeking a switch or submissive session by putting on my “Mommy” voice and giving them a long list of limits, requirements and questions. (I think I ended up doing about 4 or 5 switch sessions in that year and a half. They were with very nice men who wanted to learn bondage, corporal and electricity. They also didn’t have a problem with my ‘topping from the bottom’ attitude. I connected well with them over the phone and never felt like I did anything I would regret later.) These things combined with her policy to see anyone who wanted to come in left a lot to be desired. I decided to leave after opening a second location for her in Austin.

The experience was not a bad one, overall; I learned a lot. I also met some wonderful clients who helped me in numerous ways to develop my skills as a dominant and as a sexuality consultant. I feel fortunate that my introduction was with a small business rather than the large houses in major cities that seem to treat the women working for them as cattle. I have read many horror stories and feel very fortunate that my problems were mainly a difference in opinion and lifestyle choice.

I designed a play space in my home and went from there. Once I took total control, I developed a wonderful crew of regulars and excelled quickly in my career. The best decision I made was to diversify my income by adding web work and BDSM modeling to my repertoire. This has enabled me to continue playing full time, as well as, be very selective about my clients and the scenes I choose to engage in. That is the single most important piece of advice I can offer any new dominatrix. Choose your clients based on compatibility, not the almighty dollar. You will make a bit of cash initially but burn out quickly if you see anything with a pulse and a couple hundred bucks. If someone is an asshole, do not waste your energy on them. If you ask for a reference and it’s bad, consider it, don’t rationalize it away. Do not ‘bottom feed’ by seeing those people you know are not right for you. This career offers a wonderful range of opportunities if you can establish your boundaries and learn from your mistakes.

It has been an exciting, amazing journey and I would not change a thing.

(I am unsure who made the artwork above. I was "Googling" for something sexy and found it here.)

Cybernet

I am trying to squeeze a lot into my last days here so I haven't had time to write. Here is a little jewel from Cybernet Productions now known as kink.com to tide you over. I love working with them. They treat their talent better than any other company I have worked with. They also have an endless supply of perverted devices, sets and assistants to make the shoot flow smoothly. Here I wrapped this slut in vet wrap and made my own freaky little fuckhole. Yummy!